The Stuff We Don’t Say

It has been my aim, that my life looks a certain way to someone viewing it. Good stuff all around. But what about all the stuff we don’t say to each other? I’ve realized that I tell three people in my life just about everything and everybody else… almost nothing. This can only be explained as a blatant attempt to hide some of the less attractive realities of a person’s life, of my life.

I’ve got to tell you, it’s pretty hard to keep a current blog when you filter that much information. One of the most currently pressing issues in my life deals with my family. I just read someone else’s blog and they mentioned a similar issue so I will attempt to speak as openly.

I have two very close family members who are/were serving time in jail. The first is my sister. She has been in and out of jail for about three years. She was released on a probationary status a little over a year ago and sent to a half-way house. Shortly after that, our grandmother died and I assume she hit bottom (again). She disappeared on a Thursday and we filed a missing persons report within two weeks. My mother had to negatively identify two bodies over the phone before my sister finally resurfaced (alive) three months later. At one point, we believed she was dead. This disappearing act was in direct violation of her parole so while she contacted us, she continued to hide from her fate. After several months in relative hiding, she was turned in and is now serving the rest of her parole time in a prison outside this state. She will be released later this month.

As long as I can remember, my sister has had issues that I didn’t understand. I won’t go into the details because they are her’s to share, but suffice it to say that I have always hoped for the best and been forced to face (close to) the worst. In fact, it’s quite remarkable how your definition of “the worst” can change. :) As long as she breaths, their will be hope in my heart for my sister.

The second family member is my nephew. I have several sisters and the oldest has two older teenage kids. My nephew is 19, handsome, talented and suave with his fresh-off-the-boat accent. He also seems to live two lives and has a temper like something has utter control over him at certain moments. It was, I presume, his incredible anger that helped put him in his current situation—a fight that culminated into an “assault with a dangerous weapon” charge. He is out of jail, but now has to face this very serious criminal charge and his personal demons that brought him to this point.

It is profoundly embarrassing for me to admit these things. My family is big, loud, funny and encouraging, so things like this don’t appear to make sense in the context of us. The thing I’ve come to realize is that there is no recipe for “this type of person” or “that type of person”—people just make their own choices. When it comes to this particular issue, I have no real conclusion. All I can say is that I hope this encourages you to share your own stuff with your friends.