How many people know you really well? How many people do you really know? Most of us can count an acceptable number of friends listed as our email contacts, but with how many people are we comfortably intimate? That long list of friends we have on MySpace proves that we are just social enough to know a lot of people, without really knowing any of them and with even fewer of them really knowing us. As a generation, as a people, we are uniquely capable of being in touch with each other, but not deeply.
When did the idea of closeness and intimate relationships, even platonic ones, suddenly get so intimidating? We are more capable now than ever before to stay thoroughly involved in the details of each other’s lives, yet most of the people I know consider themselves to be somewhat lonely.
Is it simply business that preoccupies us from doing that awkward, self-revealing relational work with another soul? The average person holds down a job, maintains a home of some kind, occupies themselves with a hobby and maybe even indulges in a spiritual existence. Our world of connectivity and rapidly advancing communication technology should allow for us to do even more without missing one relational beat. With each text message, with each increasingly mechanical attempt at intimacy, I believe we are finding ourselves as relationally undernourished as someone who only eats Lucky Charms at every meal.
I recently became intrigued with a Facebook utility that tracks and lists the music listening habits of a Facebook friend who might have added this feature to their page. It allows the user to view and interpret a friend’s current musical interests and habits without ever having to actually inquire. This mechanism supplements the need to actually communicate interests or passions directly to another human being. All one must do is passively put your activity out there for anyone who might be interested to see and hope that someone may notice that zealous spark in your eyes through their computer’s monitor. It’s as if we are searching for a needle-shaped shred of connection in a fiber optic haystack.
The indulgence in superficial relationships has left us starving for something real! We are blinded by our hunger to the point where we equate openness and honesty with pressure and expectation. For real friendship to be possible, apologies and accountability are an absolute necessity. Unfortunately both of those things are very difficult to do, so perhaps we’ve simply abandoned the attempt at closeness in favor of a fast-food version that only leaves us starving when we need food the most.
Loving with depth requires sacrifices from time to time, but that kind of depth cannot be replaced by any other substitute. We can subsist for some time on whatever fills that void, but inevitably we will find ourselves overloaded in superficial relationships and going to bed starving for something real. Perhaps we would be alarmed at just how easy is it to mistakenly assign importance to unhealthy relationships when we are at the point of desperation.
Nevermind that we all tend to feel that longing for relationship, but as generally stressed out people, shouldn’t we be seeking depth in relationship as a stress reliever if nothing else? Recently, a friend’s child was very sick and in her illness had a seizure. In the days of continued sickness that followed, what that mom needed most was to not be alone in her fear. Through discussion and company, she could maintain her normal rational mind and proceed as the capable mother that she is. Without that contact, fear overwhelms and overtakes its victims.
Have we reached the point that we’d rather be entertained constantly that do the work of relating to one another? Were deep relationships more inevitable years ago when we had more time and had fewer hang-ups? Did that time ever really exist?
We are made to need each other. We should not feel ashamed to need love and companionship, and we shouldn’t shy away from offering it to each other either, yet we do. We reach out weakly in an attempt to fish for the opportunity for more. It bruises no egos and it offends no one. It just leaves us wishing we had the courage to generate the relationships we need in order to live the satisfied and fulfilled lives we desire.
http://www.sixwise.com/newsletters/06/05/31/the_serious_health_risks_of_loneliness__amp_the_healing_power_of_friendship.htm
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/1559723432/
