As expected, I did almost nothing I had planned to do yesterday to assist my fasting efforts. I’m notorious for that kind of thing. With only a few hours left of my fast, I find that significant although subtle changes have taken place.
I didn’t go to church after all. I went home and immediately fell asleep (incidentally, this is often how I handle a food fast too). Unfortunately, I slept until 8:00pm! Must have been tired. When I woke up, Jason was starving and ready to go to dinner. We went to a fish place and had a nice time. He thought it would be a healthy idea to finish dinner with an ice-cream sundae, so we did that as well. When we got home, he (being totally addicted at this point) finished his sundae in front of the TV and Xbox. He played as the University of Texas in a devastating game against O.U. I believe the final score was about 115 to 0, Texas. I didn’t participate, but sat next to him anyway, and (you guessed it) soon feel asleep again.
Apparently, I missed several phone calls before I finally got up and got ready for bed. The problem now was, I couldn’t stay asleep for very long—waking up a grand total of four times. Actually, I officially woke up at 5:45am but still felt like I had slept in until around 10am! What a lovely feeling. Since it was so early, and I couldn’t watch TV, turn on the radio or launch myself back into the sixth installment of the Harry Potter series I happen to be in the middle of, I decided to go back to bed. But suddenly, my thoughts were plagued with concern, worry and fear. Nice instincts, Naomi. What was happening to me? Does this happen every morning? Do I just distract myself to the point were I stop noticing how negative my thoughts are? Without anything to escape into, I started praying. I prayed for an hour! It was like talking to someone I hadn’t spent much time with in several months. I’ve never prayed so thoroughly, or so specifically in all my life (I don’t think). Being totally unable to handle the weight of my concerns so early in the morning, the first thing I did was surrender my thoughts to God. I know that sounds churchy, and it is, but while I still realize there is a slight uneasiness, I feel a heightened level of peace over that.
It feels oddly silent without any media distraction. I can’t decide if it feels more like living in the past or like I’m locked in a padded cell. Ambient noises are so much louder than I ever realized. Do you know how loud an air conditioner is, or that every part of your body makes noise when it moves?! Sounds like, keyboard keys being typed on or knuckles cracking become strangely satisfying too. Weird.
I’m going on vacation next week and all of a sudden, I’m excited about it. I suppose that I’ve been so distracted that I hadn’t given it much thought—I haven’t even planned on what sights I want to see! My point is that, I think the way we tend to live our lives (or the way I live mine), so immersed in media, is a recipe for constant distraction or escapism if you prefer. I’m not trying to sound like some puritanical theorist here, I love escaping my life when I feel the need. I just realize, however, that perhaps we can only distract ourselves—perhaps true escape is impossible. What I did this morning was surrender, rather than escape. I’m not sure how a non-Christian would choose to handle their morning—I’d be very interested to know. Why did I instinctively turn to God? Was he happy to hear from me or was he annoyed at my selfishness? I don’t know the answers to all that. All I know is that, without all the distraction I clearly partake in everyday, I spent more time with my husband (even if I just watched him cream O.U. in a video game), I became more rested, and most significantly, I instinctively threw myself into God’s arms.
I recommend you try doing this for just 24 hours and see what happens.
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