"I Don't Care"

Are three words in the English language more infused with total apathy? There are none, except, of course… the words “total apathy.” So, what don’t I care about? This is going to sound horrible, but just cut me a bit of slack here. I don’t care about my Church woes anymore. The funny thing about total apathy is that eventually it forces you to move on because, I suppose, we like progress and vision. Blah blah blah. When your leaders are apathetic towards positive forward movement, it’s that much easier to find yourself in that condition also. Then again, perhaps “I don’t care” indicates that I’m simply giving up. Either way, this is where I am right now on this particular issue.

I grew up in a Nazarene Church around here. It has always been a bit of a “country” Church is some respects, largely due to the fact that for most of its existence, it has indeed been in the country. In the past few years, however, that area of town has started to boom both commercially and residentially. What that has meant for my smallish country Church is that we/they are now in a new/unfamiliar position to grow like mad. Unfortunately for us/them, churchgoers these days don’t care for one hour sermons, songs about raising one’s Ebenezer or lights on-full blast so you’re total display even during very personal, prayerful moments. Churchgoers also tend to go for programs that can speak to their needs more specifically. On that note, I tend to go for that kind of thing too. This is why we are now preparing to move on.

We have attended faithfully for about three years. I know I said I grew up there, but that also means this lovely church has a history in my life… good and bad. When I was about sixteen, my best friend and I decided to return on a Wednesday night after a brief hiatus. What we walked into changed my view of the church forever. Unfortunately we had chosen to come on a night when half the church was literally screaming at our pastor for intending to fire the youth minister. The reasons are sketchy as we had not been going for a while and barely knew this youth pastor. Whatever it was, it was profoundly disturbing for me, and I assume, my best friend. I refused to continue going to that church from that point on. I bounced around several other churches until I’d been married for about a year or so. Jason and I visited “my parent’s church” (my old church) and found we rather liked it. I remember us thinking that it had so much potential (as they had just built a new church building) and we really wanted to be a part of that growth. From that point on, we (especially Jason) poured ourselves into that place. He taught Sunday School, played in the orchestra, and until recently lead the music! I taught little children, taught music every year at V.B.S. and often counseled the college age kids when they felt totally alienated from this church. This past year, I started getting resentful. I’m not sure if it has something to do with where I work (also Church related) or not, but suddenly I’m tired of waiting for that “vision” to kick in. A month ago, Jason had his, “I don’t care” moment when he was told that the leadership has no interest in the music program right now… his passion and major involvement. It was the straw that broke the preverbal camel’s back.

With our minds about 80% made up, does that make us quitters? I hope not. We are growing increasingly interested in a very large, much closer church in the same denomination. We are ready and willing to throw ourselves into the work of the Church, because it has meant so much to us in the past. Their pastor is very blunt about having a crazy vision for his Church—so now we are excited again. Let’s just hope this time; other people feel like committing themselves as much we do.