I'm So Sad

I keep thinking I'm going to look up from burying my head and see my sister standing next to me. It's creepy and comforting at the same time. This sucks. She missed so much of my life, but I can't help but feel like a huge piece of me has died and will never return. All my hopes for a "Bennett sisters" relationship with her are dashed and I'm grieving as much for those lost hopes as I am for her. What's wierd is that I'm not even crying that much. Well, except for right now. I'm sure in 15 minutes I'll get a glass of water and watch a Tivo(ed) episode of Futurama and forget about this wet nonsense, but right now it just hurts... so badly.