Yesterday had all the makings of being a really bad day. Before I left the house, I opened the mail to find five new medical bills. I also had my monthly doctor visit and on the way, I got a speeding ticket that no amount of hormone induced tears could eliminate. Yesterday was also the day my evil boss was to come back into town, and he always makes the office his first or second stop. A bad day, by most people’s standards, to be sure.
Then something amazing happened. Still whimpering by the time I arrived at the doctor’s office, I was actually starting to become frightened that I might never be able to stem the never-ending flow of irrational tears. I went into the exam room and my doctor arrived. He had me lie down, then put the Doppler (like a baby microphone) on my belly and started rolling it around. Suddenly, there was a very loud crackling sound and I looked at him, startled. He just smiled and said, “That’s just him moving around.” “Moving as usual.” was my first thought, but then out of all the crackling there appeared a faint, but distinct rapid heartbeat—my son’s. The doctor usually holds the Doppler still for a minute so the machine can count the beats per minute. As he rested the wand there, all my concerns sort of melted away and I realized that hearing his movements, his little heart, eradicated all the wrongs of the day. From the first time I heard his heart beating its own beat; it was love at first sound.
I’ve been in love before—and am still in love, but for the first time, I realize that I love someone, “sight unseen.” To be honest, I was unsure the feeling would come and was getting a bit scared about it. But now, there is no doubt—this is true love. It is love without expectation
3 comments:
*sigh* i miss those staticky sounds. i miss hearing little heartbeats and seeing little tiny penises. i miss little tiny printouts of little tiny Skeletors.
i do envy you. but i feel like i am sharing in this one. i already love him, too. i really do. it's very emotional.
I'm sorry you were having a really sucky day, but I'm glad it got better! What a wonderful way to make it better :)
Hey there - it's yer ol' pal Emily from way back when. I've been reading your blog and I couldn't read your blog and not send you a note, too. It's been ages (okay - probably only like two years, but two years in which a lot has happened!) since I saw you last, since we bumped into each other at BFC, remember? Anyway, Ryan called me the other night, told me about Christina's surprise wedding, sent me the link to her blog - I saw a picture of you there, started wondering how you're doing. I rooted around that blog for a bit, and then found your blog! So how the heck are you! I mean, besides all the excitement I've been reading about here! Email me. Do you still have my hotmail address? It's akinsemily etc.... I tried to email you at your old papivore aol address but I guess I need to update my address books. Write me and let me know how you are! And CONGRATULATIONS on the baby!
- Emily.
Post a Comment