A long time gone

So it’s been a really long time since I last posted. I haven’t been that busy or anything, I just forgot my EBlogger password. You thought there would be an interesting story upon my return didn’t you? Sorry to disappoint.
Well, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m kind of a pessimist. I hate that about myself. :insert irony here: Anyway, lately I’ve become kind of a hypochondriac with fun panic attacks. It’s not as fun as it sounds, trust me. Actually, I saw the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy last week and every time I read something I write I can hear Alan Rickman’s voice reading it in a very Marvin the Paranoid Android kind of tone. God help me.
To sum up, the past two years of my life have been the most difficult years I’ve ever known. Up until then, I thought of myself as a kind of lucky freak who, with the exception of one nasty breakup, never lost anyone close to me. During these past two years, fate has had it’s ironic payback—I lost my uncle and mentor in 2003, my grandmother in 2004, my sister in 2004 (in a different sort of way) and a twin pregnancy at 11 weeks. Something about loss and sadness permanently changes you. I’ve started becoming very aware of the effects of desire or dreams and how they are dangerous as they can lead directly to almost all negative emotions—forcing you to just live in them day after day. Does anyone else hear the theme to Star Wars?
Why am I telling you all this? If I’m going to host a blog and talk about anything in my life, it is utterly pointless if I don’t paint the background first. I’m a funny person who loves to wear wigs to the doughnut shop at 3 a.m., but that part of me is involved in a daily battle to win my sanity from the sadness that threatens to overtake me. Okay, well that’s a lot of information you probably didn’t need.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that, I change. More importantly, I’m counting on changing again, back into the person I enjoy being—the one who doesn’t take life too seriously. Don’t be surprised if suddenly you can’t hear Marvin the Android’s voice anymore when you read my posts. I’m anticipating hearing my own again soon.